An Italian Themed Day-cation For The Parents

  

Keeping octogenarians entertained and engaged can sometimes be a challenge when work, naps, distance, money, and weather enter into the picture.

I came up with this idea to hi-jack them for an afternoon and pretend we were in Italy. Me and my partner both had the day off from work during the week and we wanted a weekend alone. So, we concocted a plan to entertain them on a Friday so that the standing Saturday morning breakfast could be skipped.  You see, my partner is a nurse who works from 2pm to 10:30pm; I work days.  We are constantly on opposite shifts except for every-other weekend when he has two days off together while I am also off.

The experience is one that the parents STILL talk about and relive as a happy memory.  Here is how we planned the day:


1) Me and my partner agreed to use a day of vacation to pull this off and selected the date.

2) I found an authentic Italian restaurant in a neighboring city about 30 miles from home. Great food reviews.  I also double-checked their hours of a late lunch option so that the place would be less crowded.

3) I created an invitation using Microsoft Word. I took a photo of a Venice, Italy canal and gondola and used that backdrop as the front of my invitation. The inside spelled out simply instructions and helped to ease concerns and set expectations for time, apparel, etc.  (See photos)  I mailed the invitation on Monday so that it arrived by mail on Tuesday.  Retired folks like to plan ahead and think about what they will be doing.  The invite include the day, time, and the Italian Day-cation theme, but we specifically left off the name of the restaurant or what we'd be doing for the afternoon.

4) I hand addressed the envelope and put Italian stickers like postage marks, Leaning Tower of Pisa, Roma, etc. all over the envelope so that it was loud and obnoxious, not to be missed in their stack of junkmail.

5) Throughout the week I burned a cd for the car with mostly Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin.  The plan was the have the car turned on and Sinatra playing as they entered the vehicle. Who of that era doesn't love THAT kind of music!

6) On the day of the Day-cation we dressed well and made a pit-stop at the liquor store on the way to grab a bottle of Italian vino to leave behind after we went home.

Here is where it gets cheesy.  My parnter's parents are still pretty sharp and have a great sense of humor, so we used that to enhance the atmosphere. Upon arrival we both spoke in the best fake Italian accents that we could muster for the duration of our afternoon.  We assumed the Italian sounding names and played the part.  We had a lot of laughs.

Once at the restaurant and after ordering lunch, I whipped out a family Crossword puzzle that I created with questions, clues, and answers customized specifically all about their family. Dad is just crazy about crossword puzzles so I figured this was an excellent way to keep them occupied until some of the din of the lunch crowd died down and the background noise diminished.  (I created the free puzzle here http://bit.ly/USmuRB).  The parents had never had "real" Italian food before so everything that was ordered was a new experience for  them.


After we left the restaurant we chauffeured them a few miles away to a high-end, incredible chocolatier. With chandeliers dripping from the ceiling and jewelcases filled with faceted truffles, this place made the couple a little squeemish!  LOL  -- These simple, kind folks are not fancy people so they were perfectly comfortable leaving this place just as soon as we entered. We stayed only long enough for one of them to use the restroom and me to load up on my favorite chocolates there.

Once we arrived back at the ranch we worked as a team on the rest of the crossword puzzle. Clearly, with 40 clues I did succeed at making the puzzle challenging enough.

By four O'clock Mom was ready for a nap and Dad was happy to sit in his chair reading in the peace and quiet. Both parents were tickled with leaving the country for the afternoon in their own back yard. It was a very fun day!

Do you have ideas that you have used to make life meaningful for your elderly parents? We'd love to hear your ideas!

Surviving Middle Aged Caregiving

Statistically speaking, I am your cliche' 40-something, never been married adult woman who has been caring for my parents since I was about 26. The media loves to remind me that it is much more likely that I am struck by lightning or become a victim of terrorism than it is for me to fall in love and get married.

For more than 20 years now I have put my aging parents' welfare in front of my own.  My mother passed suddenly 17 years ago already, but my father, now 95 1/2 is still proving that a frail old man can be a tank with nine lives.  I am certain that it is his good Polish genes and his sense of humor that caused him to defy the odds repeatedly.

Having barely enough money to support my own household, it has been such a major financial, time, and emotionally taxing journey that is all worth it when I see him smile and still experience a witty repartee'.

I read so much about the challenges of children who live in other states and those who need to pay for medical care, but I don't read much about those who live 15 to 50 miles away who's parent still lives alone and are mostly independent but still need care.

After the sudden passing of my mother at a young age of 72, for the first time in his life my father at 78 now lived alone, lived out in the country in a house that they built 40 years prior that was a whopping 3,600 square feet sitting on 2.5 acres.  All of this needed a tremendous amount of care, not to mention that he was bored and lonely.  For me, it meant that my Friday night, Saturday, and Sundays were spent  helping, cleaning, feeding, and entertaining my dad.  He never asked for help but I knew he was grateful.  The drive to his house was 20 minutes each way.  In the years before my mother died she had grown tired of cooking. That meant that few spices and foods were in the house.  This also meant that I had two choices to feed him: Either I would go take him out for each of our meals OR I would buy, haul, and prepare meals to his house to save money. I chose the latter.   It really bugged me over the years why people always asked me how I could still be single.  Wasn't it obvious? I had exchanged my own wants and needs for a family to assist the man who had taken care of me for more than 18 years.  Working full time by day, I spent my weekends caring for him.  Taking him on drives or a myriad of events to stimulate his mind.  As he aged and the house started falling apart it because more and more difficult.

As the years and decade slipped away, eventually his medical condition changed and new arrangements had to be made. First we moved him to a 55+ apartment. Next he moved in with my brother in a nearby village. Finally, he resides in an assisted living facility that is about 10 minutes from my home.

His medical care expenses are covered by his insurances and social security checks and now I no longer have to buy, carry, and pay for his groceries.  When I visit now, I can once again just be a daughter and an admirer. I give myself permission to let others be the caregivers.  It is excruciating to watch this pillar of a man turn old on me.  His frail condition has diminished his quality of life substantially, but his now fading memory erases some of his pain.

I still do the little things that make him smile. I rub his feet, I add colorful lights to his room and don the walls with photos printed large enough to see.  I put a channel on the TV to something that I know he enjoys. But, mostly, I just love him and keep him company as the minutes and hours fade into nights.

Through these hard years I put more of the responsibility of dad's care back onto my other siblings.  I let go and let them pick up the slack.  Once I did that, wouldn't you know... with time for myself I finally found the man of my dreams, my best friend, my twin, and kindred spirit!

In the following posts I will share with you ideas, tips, and information that I used to survive.  Given that I am middle aged, my fiance's parents are in good health and are 86.  So then, the process begins once again, but THIS time I have experience AND I have a partner.

I have been blessed with a resourcefulness and a creative mind so I've created some brilliant memories over the years.  The world might just be a better place if I share with you what I have learned and created for you to use in your own lives with your own parents.  Caregiving to your elderly parents does not have to be an all-or-nothing game.  It can be a win-win if you let yourself have a life to go with it.

Easy, Portable Christmas Meal For Aging Parents

Among the thousands of recipes I find for quick, portable appetizers, party food, pot-luck side-dishes, desserts, and boxed/sodium ladened foods, I have not yet found any resources that pertains to catering a full holiday meal or strategy to bring Christmas and New Year's meals to my soon-to-be-inlaws.

We live 40 miles from my fiance's parents.  At 86 years old and still independent, his Mom has grown tired of cooking (understandably).  We offered, and they gratefully accepted, for us to cater the Christmas spirit to their doorstep this year.  In a tiny house built in the 1920's with a kitchen the size of a large closet, this has become quite a challenge for me to create a somewhat traditional holiday menu that is nutritious, portable, that won't create a ton of dishes.

Here are the challenges to the puzzle: 
1) The tiny house doesn't have a dishwasher so minimize dishes used is important.

2) Because we aren't married yet, we opted to spend the night at a nearby hotel.  Food must keep for a few hours while my fiance' works while I am at the hotel before we head to their house for the evening.

3) Because Mom prefers not to cook much anymore, most of the supplies I need are not at her house.

4) With the kitchen so small, how can I have space to cook and carve dinner, and create a memorable table setting for four (or five)?

The solutions:
1) Bring as much already-made foods as possible.  Approach the dinner with oven-time only, if possible.

2) Thankfully, in Wisconsin this time of year the car should be cold enough to keep everything chilled.

3) I must either bring spices and kitchen tools or completely prepare the food at home.

4) We will be moving the table out of the kitchen so I can move around (his parents love to sit in the tiny kitchen and watch me cook and chat when I cook... leaving absolutely no room for me to move -- They really are the sweetest people - they really love to have me around!)

Here is how my menu is starting to shape up:

Main entree:
Ham Steaks with Pineapple and Clove Glaze
In a lasagna ceramic pan I will stack 4 or 5 ham steaks that are sold in the grocery store, generally used for breakfasts. They are thick-cut and off the bone. The flavor is good, the quality is equal to a ham hock, but because they are steaks they are already sliced and stack well in a lasagne pan which has a cover to transport.  I will give them a traditional ham glaze of pineapple juice and cloves. Add as many steaks that are needed to feed unexpected added guests and still have some leftovers.

Sides:
Green Bean Casserole
What is a mid-western holiday without the "green bean dish" made from French-cut green beans, Campbell's cream of mushroom soup, and fried onions on top!  Assemble at home and put in the oven. I am not sure why everyone loves this so profusely, but it is a staple of the mid-western diet for holidays.

Garlic Creamy Mashed Potatoes
I make very delicious mashed potatoes, so this is one of the dishes I will need to come prepared for.  I can peel potatoes at home and use a plastic freezer Zip-loc bag to transport them in a little water to keep them from turning brown.  I will press 5 cloves of garlic at home and put those in a tiny Zip-loc.  I will bring with me a stick of real, unsalted butter and a container of chicken broth.  I will bring a pint of Half and Half - to use to the mashed potatoes and for the coffee after the meal, and will take along the entire green plastic bottle of Parmesan cheese.  Fresh cracked pepper will also come along in a grinder from my kitchen as well as my favorite potato masher.

Once I get there I will boil the potatoes and prepare them with the above ingredients as the last thing to do before the meal is served. That will dirty only one 4 quart kettle and the potato masher.

The garlic is added after the potatoes are all mashed and all the other ingredients are added and mixed.  Garlic is added to the pot, stirred into the potatoes, and put the lid back on the kettle. The steam from the potatoes mellows the garlic and lends a flavorful but not overpowering taste to the mashed potatoes.

Polish Sausage
This was always a tradition in my childhood home, and it sure fits well for this crowd since they both enjoy their Polish ancestry.  Besides, it just needs to come out of the package and be boiled,  microwaved, put in a toaster oven, or even put in with the baking ham.

Rolls
Open package, bake and serve. Enough said.  I "could" even back them at home and reheat in the oven just before the ham is done. I will consider that option.

Coffee
I will bring an 8oz box of ground coffee that I already have.  I will bring along my French press so I don't have to bring my electric coffee maker. They have a tea-kettle to heat the water - so, voila'! Done and delicious! This will be a treat as they make instant coffee for themselves and drag out a percolator if there are guests... too much work to clean!

Pumpkin Pie and Christmas Cookies
One of the easiest pies in the world to make and one of the most delicious.  Bake, cover, and take.  Mmmm

I am making Christmas cookies throughout this season so will pack some up and take them along.

Other than the effort of carrying the meal with over the miles, once arriving to the parents' house it should be a quick and easy prep-scenario with very few dishes to contend with.


I would love to hear your feedback. What do you do for your parents for catering holiday meals at their own home?  Tell me about your tips and tricks for saving either time, money, or headaches.

*****
Holiday meal update:
The event was a pretty huge success! All of my effort swept the parents off of their feet and made for a memorable night.

A couple of things changed a little... the ham was provided by his mother. All I had to do was heat and serve.  It also required the use of one of her 9x13 cake pans to heat it in so it was a dish to be washed.

For me, half of the battle of entertaining and creating a memorable meal comes from the visual impact of the table.  I transformed the dining table with a few simple, cheap enhancements that I had at home. First, with Mom's permission to take over the kitchen, I moved the table from the tiny, cramped kitchen into the dining room.  Big change. Then, I swaddled the table in a white damask table cloth I had a home.  Next, I bought Holly themed paper plates and Chrismtas paper napkins.  I already owned deep red linen napkins so I folded them and used them as chargers or placemats at each setting to highlight the red holly on the plates. 

I brought tall candle holders and 6" white unscented pillar candles and attached a tiny swag of cedar to them for a natural wreath feel, beautiful! Because the parents didn't own wine glasses I brought my own. Nothing like glasswear to make a table sparkle. I also brought all of my own silverwear so I wouldn't have to wash them after dinner.  Total cost of this table setting for five: $5.50.

Just before dinner I used our ipad to play christmas background music that I put into a specific playlist to keep it classic or instrumental and upbeat throughout the meal. The older generation certainly aren't accustomed to having background music and tableclothes for an at-home dinner, so this really lightened the mood and created a wonderful backdrop for story telling over dinner.

Finally, as dinner was ready to be served we set up a card-table to put all the food on without having to crowd the table. The only extras put on the table were butter and the bottles of wine.

After the dining was over and it was time for us to retreat to a hotel, we packed the cold car full of all the dirty kettles, silverware, glassware, and decorations leaving almost NO dishes for Mom and nothing to clean up after. She was THRILLED!

As a sidenote ------ my finance' was at work while I prepared the meal, so to keep the parents entertained before his arrival so that I could work in the kitchen, I created for them a DVD of a 30 minute slideshow of pictures reflecting on the year.  It included each of their birthday celebrations and 60th wedding anniversary ceremony, our birthdays and trips to Chicago, Florida, and New Orleans.  Mom and Dad, like most of the elderly, do not have internet access at home so I had to find an alternative method to show them pictures.  What the DVD did is let them see for themselves how much fun we've had over the last year and let them see how happy their son was.  They were glued to the TV to see this show --- and that gave me ample time to focus on dinner.

One last note, I wanted my fiance' to have a grand entrance to come home to after work, and surprise the parents, so I took 20 paper lunch bags that I had previously used at home set up as luminaries. I lit them with long-burning votives and lined the sidewalk, walkway, and driveway with them to welcome him home. It brought tears to his eyes.